WORDS OF CITIZEN SCHMECK FROM THE DEBATE OF THE NATIONAL ASSEMBLY OF THE REPUBLIC OF GUNTRELAND
Held on the 5th day of Felinose, Year 205 – Under the Presidency of Citizen Rezer
(Published in the Official Gazette of the Republic, “The Flag of the Republic,” Felinose 6, Year 205)
Schmeck.
Fellow Citizens, Representatives of the People!
While certain among us—those who dare to call themselves Representatives of the Nation—waste both their time and strength assailing the laws enacted by the Sovereign People of Guntreland, do you know what multiplies each day upon the islands encircling our beloved continent? Enemy armies, citizens—enemy armies!
We cannot even foresee where, nor upon how many shores, the invader shall descend; from how many directions his accursed fleets shall strike; nor which districts of our Republic shall first feel the iron of his assault. The entirety of our territory lies equally exposed, and this—this, citizens—casts a grave burden upon our valiant army, which must stretch its ranks to guard every frontier, every bay, every mountain pass. Thus deprived of the power to meet invasion with its full might at once, our defense must suffer the horrors of a war fought deep within our own soil—a war both bloody and unavoidable.
That, citizens, is the first truth I must proclaim. But bear with me—lend me but a few moments more of your Republican patience, for there is another truth, more shameful yet, which demands the voice of indignation!
(The Speaker paused, awaiting the hush that followed Citizen Schmeck’s words. Then, with renewed fervor, Citizen Schmeck continued:)
The second matter, citizens, is this: Citizen Hrebs, in his self-proclaimed wisdom, proposes as a remedy for our present scarcity of food that every man should hang his own dog!—thus diminishing, by such barbarous arithmetic, the number of mouths the Republic must feed. Nay, not content with this monstrous counsel, the same citizen further demands that peasants be again permitted to bind the pups of their dogs in sacks and hurl them into the rivers!
And I proclaim before you, before the assembled People and under the light of the Republic’s sacred Banner: By all the hundred tentacles of the Kraken, never shall I stand for a Republic that commands a man to hang his truest friend, nor to drown the children of that friend in a sack!
I further declare that there lies no long road—no, scarcely a step—between this abominable thought of Citizen Hrebs and the thought of selecting, among honest citizens themselves, those deemed “less worthy” to live.
Therefore I propose—before this honorable Assembly of the People—that Citizen Hrebs be formally reprimanded for his inhuman proposal, and that we issue forthwith a decree to all districts and municipalities, commanding them to act with vigor and without delay to eradicate forever this vile and cruel custom of casting living creatures into the water.
(The proposal was adopted with acclamation.)
